more and more i think that those of us who actually engage ourselves in life are caught up in a constant struggle and that those who aren't struggling to remain cheerful in the face of it all are fighting to prove that their pain is unique, special, incomprehensible.

wounds repair themselves, but if we never give them the chance to breathe fresh air, they will never heal correctly. we're constantly keeping our pain shut up, letting it out only when we see that it could elicit pity, rather than exposing it to air for the sake of healing. our mantra is "no one could understand" - we pretend there is no shared human experience, that our unique circumstances somehow do more than tweak the dimmer ends of the spectrum. we refuse to admit that pain is exactly what we're all terrified to call it - natural, common...ordinary.

i'm not fully convinced that coming to terms with the unpleasant side of life is an entirely bad thing - at least it denotes a sense of participation, an attempt to connect with who we really are. the danger comes when we become so absorbed in our interpretation of our own negative experiences that we're unwilling to accept anything that doesn't fit that mold. too many people either push others away or attempt to make them fit their idea of how evil the world really is when they should be learning from them, taking a breath of fresh air, unwrapping the bandage and seeing what happens. doubtlessly, some people are going to poke the sore - but if that happens, you'll be happy anyway since, after all, that's what you expected.

someone, though, is going to pour some water on it and just let it sit exposed for awhile, for as long as it needs to. when you accept the possibility of this, you'll realize that participation in life doesn't always have to be an introverted activity.

it's refreshing to know that there are people out there who don't fit the stereotypes that years of experience can teach you. if i can bring myself to say that, it must be true - go find one...you just have to pay attention and keep an open mind for once.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04