“There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own.”

- Herman Melville

it is. i know it is, and no one can convince me otherwise. if i weren't trying my hardest to look ahead of myself rather than behind, and (let's face it) if this all weren't so side-splittingly, bitterly funny, i'd be a healthy mixture of depressed and pissed off right about now.

my life has this endearing way of becoming bearable just at the point where it would be physically impossible for it to continue its current course. i can spend a couple months in despair, edging closer and closer to giving up altogether, only to be raised (or raise myself; i'm not sure which most times) out of it just before when my circumstances would have changed of their own accord.

all i can do, really, is sit back; be grateful; and wonder why, for the love of everything pure, these things didn't happen three months ago. is it all a result of an internal decision that i had to be brought to the edge of a cliff to make for myself, or is it really just a cruel joke that i'm almost certain to take the wrong way?

it gives me the unmistakable impression that someone somewhere is just rubbing something in.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04