why do so many of us find it so hard to be honest with the rest of our species? we go through life with the majority of others having no real idea what we think of them. this would be slightly understandable if we were only witholding negative viewpoints from people we dislike - what's the sense in voicing those? - but the unfortunate thing is that often we withold the good we see in others. perhaps i'm the only one who's this inhibited, but i tend to doubt that. sure, we might tell someone we like them, might even go so far as to say, "i appreciate you." how often, though, will we sit down and give people a detailed description of their own beauty from an outsider's point of view?

every once in awhile i'll experience something (generally a movie or a book) that will inspire me to be honest with others, to shed inhibition and clue people (or at least some people) in to the level on which i experience them. typically this fades, or i conjure sufficient feelings of awkwardness about it to avoid it, before it ever comes to fruition.

a shame, really, because i'm forced to wonder how much fuller life would be if we could be transparent with each other, if others would tell us of the qualities that we miss, whether they be good or even bad. i want to improve myself, but i can't even see all of myself, so after awhile it becomes almost self-defeating. it's also sad because the people i respect will seldom know it.

it's enough to make me want to take a chance, to do a thoreau-esque experiment on living deliberately, and just see what happens. obviously my current practices aren't effective; what if...

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
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- - 07.30.04