Every day, it seems that the likelihood of me being satisfied with my life grows smaller and smaller. i wonder if i even have capacity for such a thing, and i don't know how much of the blame to put on myself. probably most of it, but there's little i can do to change that. this is the way i am. i can't even enjoy the things i enjoy most because there's always someone or something there to screw them up. i'm used to being disappointed by now, but familiarity doesn't make it fun.

i resent so many things. i barely, if at all, know what love between friends is anymore. it's been so long since i've had any kind of meaningful contact that it sickens me. the thing is that i know that it will run in a cycle - no one can help me fix this, because if i even tell anyone what's wrong (which is a stretch in itself), i'll just sound like a prepubsecent who just got his favorite toy taken away. in other words, i'm pretty much stuck, barring someone doing something thoroughly unexpected, which rarely happens.

i'll probably end up spending at least the rest of my college years like this. ain't life grand?

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04