there are times when i'm lost in thought without a way to express it; i have everything and nothing to say. i'm afraid it'll just have to be abigsenselessjumble.

i've been listening to "miss misery" more often since i heard of elliot's death.

i'm sitting outside with my laptop and my wireless internet and thinking about the wonders and pitfalls of technology, society, and all that we haven't become as a species. our only real acheivements have been in art; the rest of what we've done has only served to drive wedges between us. they say the average person knows around 250 people - how much does he know about them? beyond cell phone numbers, email addresses, and the occasional mailing address, how much do we really know the people we come in contact with each day? certainly there's no time to develop meaningful relationships with all of them, but i think the number of people who have one truly fulfilling relationship would be discouragingly low (maybe i'm just bitter). it feels like every year that passes, we get a new gadget that helps us focus more on our own lives. how many people still believe in the principle that "some things are more important"?

lonely? i guess you could say that...but i'm happy, too. there's just that one thing missing - someone to share it all with, be it romantically or not. i can't help but believe in the notion of soulmates because i know that certainly not everyone is compatible, but i can't let go of the far-fetched idea that somewhere out there, there is someone who has the capability of making my happiness complete by just being next to me. idealistic, old-fashioned, but completely innate for me.

and, as usual, it all comes back to irony. how sad it must be to not be able to simply bask in the vast paradox in which we exist. it's everywhere, and we might as well learn to laugh before we find that we can't stop crying.

as is usual for my better days, it's enough to be able to breathe the cool air and rest secure in the fact that nothing is certain.

this day's been crazy, but everything's happened on schedule - from the rain and the cold to the drink that i spilled on my shirt. 'cause You knew how You'd save me before i fell dead in the garden; You knew this day long before You made me out of dirt...and You know the plans that You have for me, and You can't plan the ends and not plan the means...

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04