on edge. testy. that's how it leaves me, and that's why i don't do it much. i entertain, we part, and there's a hole left somewhere. it takes something out of me that it shouldn't. the time is enjoyed while it's there, but when it's over there's an emptiness. i either need to be around people all the time or to never be around people; it's nigh impossible to reach a comfortable middle ground.

i just operate on such an entirely different wavelength than everyone else that it's incredibly difficult to find anyone who could begin to understand it. my moods are so screwed up that i might as well be pregnant. this is why i turned emotion off in the first place; now i'm thinking of doing it again. i can't see how this gnawing can be worth it. not yet, anyway. maybe not ever.

everybody says i'm the life of the party cause i tell a joke or two...but take a good look at my face; it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears.

i can't be the clown forever.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04