not being able to be yourself around anyone you know, always having some part that can't or won't come out - due to socialization, fear, mistrust, whatever. it's a trap. it hurts to watch other people become truly upset because they can't understand, can't empathize. i listen to them try; i watch them walk away angry. i know what it is to be trapped by your own mind, unable to free yourself by a simple act of volition - what should, by every edict of logic, be possible, is not. i've been frustrated by my inability to understand my own behavior; how can they be expected to surpass my acheivements?

i have this...this intellect, this hunger for knowledge, this deep sense of skepticism - and it's done me no good. the longer i observe, the more i think i was simply meant to be alone. i just don't do well with others.

i'm pretty sure i had a good ending to this, but all decent introspection was ruined when my roommate started playing simpsons hit and run on the xbox.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
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- - 07.30.04