for what it's worth, i'm not finding answers to anything because i'm not looking. there are plenty of things to ask, wonder, be confused about, but i'm not looking for answers as diligently as i could be. i'm just flowing with the tide, rolling with the punches, and this is what will keep me wondering.

it's good and bad and somewhere in between. i can't tell anymore; there are so many layers to it all. not what it should be, more than i thought it would be. i'm so far gone that i can't even tell what my philosophy is anymore. every time i turn around, i'm contradicting myself, talking tough and acting soft. thinking i'd come back here more stoic than ever, but finding almost a rebirth - it doesn't make sense.

it makes me think that i should face these questions once and for all, but i've never been one to admit defeat if i can avoid it - i fight for equilibrium (good movie), and that sometimes finds me avoiding something i could face instead. sounds like escapism to me too, but it's my escapism.

enough for now; i need to wrestle with some of these questions before i can write anything coherent.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04