it's almost lonely out here in limbo, but not quite. turning the unshakable (though perhaps unwarranted) feeling of not being cared for into an overwhelming apathy becomes nearly easy over time. it seems harsh, almost cruel, to be able to say that i don't really care about much of anyone. there are a few i might miss if i never saw them again, but that number compared to the number of people i know is probably nigh negligible.

every day, it seems, i get closer to my goal of killing my emotions. there's a nagging voice that tells me i shouldn't do that, but by now it's probably determined that i'm not all that likely to heed it. it feels just as i described it earlier - like being in limbo - not so great, but not so bad either. the irony of it all is almost smothering - i challenge anyone to not see the irony in life, in my life. neither measured in days nor landmarks of any kind, life flows - freely, if a bit strangely.

i know so little.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04