If my life gets any more ironic, i might just snap. It's really amusing, actually...for now. i long for companionship; if not for someone to share things with intimately, then at least a close friend to share struggles with. thing is, i don't generally get to spend a lot of time with others, and i learn how to either shove my problems down or deal with them on my own; life works for the most part. when i do spend time with people, however, it simply serves to depress me, as i invariably get relegated to the background and end up conversing with myself the entire time. this is why i was meant to be a hermit.

i'm so bloody tired of it all. people just don't seem to get it. how far do i have to go to find someone who understands that sometimes you have to ask someone how they're doing more than once before you can get an answer? where is the person who is able to put me as high on their priorities list as i put them on mine? frankly, as much as i pretend to the contrary, i have a big heart, but i'm starting to get tired of it. for the love of crap, where's my share? i'm sick of living on a one way street.

this isn't the way it's supposed to be, but it's the way it is, at least for now. complaining doesn't really do me any good, but sometimes one must indulge oneself. let's just say people like me shouldn't be allowed to read schopenhauer; he just ends up making far too much sense. pain is, in fact, the only positive thing we as humans have; happiness or contentment is the absence of pain, not the other way around.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04