Most things that i do that i would consider important or meaningful are done behind the scenes. that is, it's not often that i'm widely recognized as a humanitarian; i haven't written any bestselling books (yet), i haven't saved anyone's life (that i know of), and i haven't produced the greatest modern work of art (and i don't plan to). begging the question here, but still: what difference would my untimely demise make? when life is pulled out and measured by the dots and crosses, mine seems rather...well, meaningless.

i like to think differently, though. where my passion is is where there is little recognition. i prefer to be the silent partner, the grease on the wheel. it's when someone begins limping that i want to be there so they can lean on me and life can continue as normal. when someone needs a pen or a shirt or a piece of paper, i've got them covered because i'm chronically overprepared. when someone is weary of life, i listen patiently despite what's on my own mind, even if this means i never get a chance to let it out. my one wish is that somewhere along the line, people realize who i am and what i do. i don't need a medal; a hug will suffice. sometimes this happens; sometimes it doesn't.

one day i will wake up dead. this is nothing new, nothing profound; life only has so many coffee spoons with which to measure itself. i only hope that someone notices a difference in their day to day life, however slight it may be, when that happens.

this is not a suicide note. this is not even a wail from the pit of despair. this is a request: notice the small things and the little people. please know that the guy who opens the door for you with a smile wishes you the best; see to it that you return the smile. understand that the one who gives of her time to help you with a math problem could have kept quiet about her ability; thank her for sharing it with you.

here's to all the pawns in the long and infinitely complicated game of life. we are all kings at heart; it is only a potential that must be realized.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04