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all you who are weary and heavy-laden, come to Me...
01.21.03 9:21 p.m.
So i sit here feeling listless and lethargic, wondering, always wondering. I seem to always be tired these days, whether i sleep at night or not; something tells me that that's not good, but all too often the good things in life seem so few and far between that i'm not altogether surprised, if surprised at all. I sit back (lie back) and consider how i feel like doing nothing, how my days currently are divided between sleeping, going to class, and doing homework, with a little bit of eating and playing video games thrown in here and there. Just a couple (perhaps few; i've lost track of time and its worth) days ago i was beginning the journey towards ambition; today i'm sapped of energy and nearly considering never doing anything ever again. Another, less exciting, thought rolls into view - i wonder how many of my relationships are real anymore. I wonder if i even have anything that could be considered real and valuable at all with another living soul. Seemingly everything of that nature that i once held dear has been dissolved by time and the other person's life moving on. I still talk to people, sometimes a few at a time, over the internet - but at what cost? I have no earthly idea when i last had a meaningful face-to-face conversation with a friend about life, love, hopes, dreams...or why i prefer nbc to cbs. Quite a contrasting sentiment to what i had to say last time, i know; but it's the harsh reality that's overtaken me. It's an odd feeling for me to be on this rollercoaster - normally rollercoasters relax me...even this one does, to a point, but i have this sneaking suspicion that it shouldn't. I shouldn't be comfortable in self-pity, should spend my time doing something about it instead of wallowing in it...shouldn't stay in my room every second that i'm not in a classroom or the cafeteria. Yet what else am i supposed to do when my body tells me that all it wants to do is sleep? Oh well. *sigh* This too shall pass. a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04 |