"'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.'"

-Luke 10:41-42

That's what i felt tonight while praying. There's a lot on my mind, some things weighing more than others, but i guess i don't really have my focus straight; i really need to "...seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

Something else i've really been struggling with was Paul's struggle: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate to do." Time and again, i tell myself not to get attatched in any way, to simply stay away from girls, but it hasn't worked yet. I always end up miserable for some reason or another.

I think i mentioned this before: i tend to be very independent and tend to loathe very co-dependent people. I'm beginning to think i take this too far - that i use my own strength of will as a substitute for having God with me helping me deal with my struggles. I ask for His help all the time, but i think i'm trying to overcome my faults on my own. This is impossible. I need to be on my face before God, restating the fact that i'm nothing without Him and need Him every step of the way.

I need to stop worrying, to take life one day at a time, and truly begin to put God first in my thoughts and my life. I need to look to the "one thing" rather than the many.

I think i had something more eloquent in mind earlier, but it's late now, and in spite of the ridiculously large amount of sleep i got today, my mind is ceasing to function. I'm going to bed.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04