in some sick way, i kind of miss this place. what journaling i do these days is predominately pen and paper; i don't even get many sarcastic rants out anymore due to the wit-sapping drain my campus newspaper has put on me.

all i can say is that it's better. the past couple months have been an interesting ride, probably more good than bad compared to the past, but there has definitely been some bad. plenty of confusion, plenty of frustration, a healthy portion of angst.

it's better, though, and i'm not entirely sure why. on their face, things are worse than they were. my chances for any sort of chance at romance are definitely lower, by at least 50%. oh well. i guess that response means that the placebos have finally kicked in.

these days, i focus on being stability, being support, being the affirmation i wish i had (at least without fishing for it). i don't know whether i'm doing any good, but i'm doing what i feel is right.

at the moment, i'm a little depressed, but even that feels somewhat different. something in me may have changed for the better, though i'm not sure what. i'm being blissfully vague, i know. i don't know why i'm writing in here at all anymore; i don't exactly expect anyone to come across it. just feels good, i guess.

maybe all this means that i'm getting ready to look back and not be able to help but be grateful for every minute of my stupid little life. i'll know some day.

a brief and terribly undescriptive return - 10.28.04
- - 09.17.04
- - 08.16.04
- - 08.13.04
- - 07.30.04